How to survive a ZOMBIE apocalypse (Part II)

Know your enemy (Chapter 2)

Everybody knows how to recognize a ZOMBIE: he stinks, have worms in the eyes, low walking and arms trying to get you, most of all, he will try to eat you. But they weren’t all the time like that, you know?

ZOMBIE history goes a long way back, ZOMBIES were known by then like “GHOULS”.
They were much alike, but they used to walk around graveyards and they only eat human dead flesh (That explains why ZOMBIES only appear on the first level of “Ghouls and Ghost”).
With time that sense of ZOMBIES was lost or replaced by another exotic and new name: Haitian Zombie.
The Haitian ZOMBIE was alive, without soul and he follow the orders of a sorcerer.
The sorcerer possessed his zombie army souls in little bottles around his house, with this he could command any order to the ZOMBIES.
At the beginning of the XX century this kind of zombie was used in American movies as me metaphoric that black people was evil and could not be around pure white Christians girls (hahahaha, pathetic). Like this we get till the 60’s, Cold war arrived and so did THE BOMB.
Radioactive fear took away all others fears that our capitalist rotten society oppresses the worker and the ZOMBIE transforms himself into a creature that attacks the humans, the kids, mom, dad, even Granma, they are all the same for him, don’t care about age, sex or race, everyone can be infected with a little bite, that’s sooooo nice.

Types of ZOMBIES

Just like degenerative liver disease for drinking vanilla Coca Cola, there are many kind of ZOMBIES, the origin is all that matters.

Here is where we start to argue about what would happen in a ZOMBIE apocalypse.
The best way is to know every type of ZOMBIE and act in consequence using your eatable brain and not all your bullets.

RADIATION:
Nuclear waste, strange solar activity, some damn comet that touches the earth atmosphere or some partial eclipse goes wrong. These kinds of ZOMBIES are the most frightening cause it doesn’t matter if you get bitten, the radiation kill you anyway.

DISEASE:
A strange virus made bodies to mutate, decompose very fast and make attack every human they find. They can be dead or alive, but it doesn’t matter, one simple scratch, a little bite or a nice spit would make your blood to get infected, joining the ZOMBIE legion in a couple of hours.

DIVINE WRATH:
If this happen is cause we fucked up things, imagine god is in a bad mood and he decide to rise the dead, shut up and accept it. YOU ARE SCREWD.
It’s the same you kill 1000000000 ZOMBIES, your problems will start once you are dead (getting bitten or die old). Anyway everybody will become ZOMBIE at the end, if you get bitten, if you kill yourself, heart attack, starved, car accident, doesn’t matter, god have a pretty nice sense of humor and he decided to erase humans from the earth.

CURSE:
It might happen that a sorcerer, shaman, nazi or some crazy kid hearing his favorite record band backwards awakes the legion of the dead from the guts of the earth.
In this cases there’s no total invasion, they have one purpose only.
Reverting the curse is the only way to end it and then you have to get the hot girl.
In the meantime it all depends on how long the dead have been dead, longer the time, the lowest they will walk, but the bitten will be more powerful. Anyway, we are fucked.

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5 responses to “How to survive a ZOMBIE apocalypse (Part II)

  1. You have it all wrong. Sure the zombie apocalypse will come in the End Days but probably nowhere near your lifetime. God won’t allow anybody to be eaten by zombies -.- you watch too many movies and Satanic Programming. Only the dead will rise and walk around. It’s only a sign of the coming of Jesus Christ. The zombies won’t hurt us at all. READ THE BIBLE. Also, if you’re not a Christian, your screwed and won’t be able to get through the gates of Heaven!!

  2. “Read the Bible” so you believe everything the bible tells you? Well does that mean you condone slavery? The stoning of children? The killing of an innocent man who was simply working to support his family on the wrong day? The Bible is a book written by men who threw in THEIR beliefs. God didn’t write it. Jesus didn’t write it. The Bible was written by 40 human MEN ranging from Kings to fishermen over a span of thousands of years. Also did you know it was the BIBLE that caused the Holocaust? Hitler believed the Jews were “sons of satan” because it was stated in the Gospel of John after the death of Jesus. Religion should be based on all things good not attacking others for not believing the same thing and not torturing or beating people because they didn’t follow your rules. King James wrote “Exodus 22:18 Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” and “Leviticus 20:27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.” because he was afraid of witches. Originally the text said “chasaph” which is Hebrew for poisoner because at the time there were a lot of poisoning in politics. But when James requested it be translated, in order to keep him happy, the translators changed the translation from poisoner to witch. After a while, King James was no longer afraid of witches, however, he never changed the text. Which led to the Salem witchtrials. Now, this is not to say believing in God is bad. I believe in God and I do believe Jesus was his son. But I don’t believe in putting faith in a BOOK written by men.

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