Daily Archives: November 8, 2010

How to survive a ZOMBIE apocalypse (Part VII) FINALE

Choosing your life partner (Chapter 7).

Forget about those blondes with amazing boobs that scream when they see a stupid bug.
Try to choose her by her knowledge, her capacity to solve problems on a crisis and by how many ZOMBIES she can kill.

From now on you should look all the women around you, if you found one that meets your profile, put her first on your list.
To find her easily you should check these items:

  • SHE ALWAYS USE PLASTIC GLASS: if you have seen in her house this kind of glasses, means that she can handle a season with dry  hair and only eat rat on the sea.
  • SHE CAN HUM “STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN” AND HATES REGGEATON: sadly music and common knowledge go together. If she likes Caribbean Mix and all the stuff that goes with that, you know she will not be able to solve basic survival problems.
    Lucky for us, those kinds of girls will be the first one to die.
    But if she is able to talk about ROCK N’ ROLL for hours besides humming “Stairway to heaven”, be sure to get by her side. She will be the brain in the team.
  • SHE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A KLINGON AND A STORMTROPPER: if she knows the difference, she is a geek, you could spend hours talking and playing games in your spare time.
  • SHE IS NOT AFRAID OF KICKING YOUR ASS FOR MESSING WITH HER: this is really good, means she has character and character make Heroes. Besides she will swear all the damn ZOMBIES while reloading her sawed off shotgun, very useful in danger situations where you depend on her.
  • SHE LOVES SIN CITY AND KILL BILL: in hard times she will maintain calm, when the blood bath starts you won’t hear her screaming like a stupid high school girl. In fact she will save your ass more than once.
  • SHE LIKES SEX: without sex, no kids. Without kids, no civilization. End of the story.

Now you can be prepared to survive in case of a ZOMBIE apocalypse with these tips.

Notice, this is not the only way to survive in case of ZOMBIE apocalypse, most of the tips are for only one survivor.

These rules will only change if you can find more survivors and create a community. Adapt yourself if that’s the case, change your rules, but when egos come in play and you start to see things getting out of control, ditch them before some jerk do something stupid.

Don’t trust anyone, survivors will only try to steal you supplies, weapons and ammo. Learn from ZOMBIES and use it for your own benefit.